What to do with a lifetime of memories when love leaves?
Why is everything on earth attached to memory:
songs, places, books, clothes, colors, trees, food, flowers ---
Can memory be erased? How?
Why did love abandon me, so brutally, suddenly & ruthlessly?
Can love really die?
How do you keep breathing with a shattered heart?
Why does a broken heart keep beating?
Can the lover abuse a precious loved one?
Why would God allow this?
Why do I still love him after he tried to kill me?
Am I irretrievably broken inside?
Was I a brainwashed idiot?
Why is life so complicated?
Why am I furious at God?
How many rivers of tears can one person cry?
How much pain can a wounded soul bear?
Why am I so desperately, horrifyingly alone?
Can a person die of loneliness?
Why would a family completely desert a wounded loved one?
Does the animal kingdom abandon their wounded?
Is love a thing, as suffering is caused by wanting things?
At least Buddha warned me:
Life is suffering.
Indeed.
3/13/18
Marion
4 comments:
there is a good deal of suffering you've been through, marion. and the questions are only natural. be all the things you must be to survive this (and remember there was and will again be love).
what did i read from blaise pascal this morning, after finishing up the brother's karamozov? - "It is incomprehensible that God should exist, and it is incomprehensible that he should not exist." i like this a lot.
i believe you and i have always had different ideas about god, but i don't think that's relevant. what is relevant (i hope) is that it is a matter if you choose to believe or not, despite evidence. how is it one wishes to live one's life? this is key.
i hope this helps in some way.
i'm sorry your suffering is so great.
i hope there's more light for you tomorrow.
Oh, Erin! Your words are very helpful...I am just mired in the slough of despond & too tired most days to try moving on. Every day it's another hassle...no heat, no electricity in half the house, no hot water as of today, lawnmower broken, me broken, and on & on. And lawyer issues...the worst is the not knowing. Thank you for always being there for me. I was just in Reisterdam today, about 12 pages of it. I laugh, so glad I printed this out those years ago. Words are magic, healing. xo
ohmygod, of all places, don't go to Reisterdam! it's hell on earth:) (it really is the slough of despondency for me. i've not written about it in so long. or rather, i've not written from there in so long. not that i've not been there. there have been times when i've been nearly broken too, marion. oh. such times. but i don't dare give those times words any more. it's too dangerous. or, the stakes are too high.) but i'm glad you found some solace.
LOL! Erin, misery loves company...No worries...I can handle Reisterdam with one hand tied behind my back. ;-) xo
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