Dragonflies, My Totem

Summer, 2018, Louisiana

Summer, 2018, Louisiana

totem

[toh-tuh m]

See more synonyms for totem on Thesaurus.com

noun

1. a natural object or an animate being, as an animal or bird, assumed as the emblem of a clan, family, or group.
2. an object or natural phenomenon with which a family or sib considers itself closely related.
3. a representation of such an object serving as the distinctive mark of the clan or group.

Zombie Haiku

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My life!!!!!  My 'give a shit' is officially dead...kaput.  From here on out it's my way or the highway.  My hair is silver/white.  It's as short as I could cut it.  One side is shaved bare.  I'm thinking of getting a tattoo there.  I'm in severe pain 24/7...in too many places to even mention.  Walking hurts.  Standing hurts.  Sitting hurts.  Just call me PAIN.  

I envy the zombies.  They're already dead.  They're just walking bodies, waiting for the delicious, sharp blade of that glimmering sword to end their empty existence.

Please, cut me...

Lagniappe

The Magnificent Leon Bridges singing 'River'

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My favorite new artist, Leon Bridges...

RIVER

Been traveling these wide roads for so long

My heart’s been far from you
Ten-thousand miles gone

Oh, I wanna come near and give ya
Every part of me
But there's blood on my hands
And my lips aren’t clean

In my darkness I remember
Momma’s words reoccur to me
"Surrender to the good Lord
And he’ll wipe your slate clean"

Take me to your river
I wanna go
Oh, go on
Take me to your river
I wanna know

Tip me in your smooth waters
I go in
As a man with many crimes
Come up for air
As my sins flow down the Jordan

Oh, I wanna come near and give ya
Every part of me
But there's blood on my hands
And my lips aren’t clean

Take me to your river
I wanna go
Go on,
Take me to your river
I wanna know

I wanna go, wanna go, wanna go
I wanna know, wanna know, wanna know
Wanna go, wanna go, wanna go
Wanna know, wanna know, wanna know
Wanna go, wanna go, wanna go
Wanna know, wanna know, wanna know

Take me to your river
I wanna go
Lord, please let me know
Take me to your river
I wanna know

Songwriters: Austin Jenkins / Chris Vivion / Joshua Block / Todd Michael Bridges

Everything Good Between Men and Women by C. D. Wright

Or what if "1984" by George Orwell was not fiction?

 My favorite Oscar Wilde quote.

~ × ~ × ~ × ~

Everything good between men and women

has been written in mud and butter
and barbecue sauce. The walls and
the floors used to be gorgeous.
The socks off-white and a near match.
The quince with fire blight
but we get two pints of jelly
in the end. Long walks strengthen
the back. You with a fever blister
and myself with a sty. Eyes
have we and we are forever prey
to each other's teeth. The torrents
go over us. Thunder has not harmed
anyone we know. The river coursing
through us is dirty and deep. The left
hand protects the rhythm. Watch
your head. No fires should be
unattended. Especially when wind. Each
receives a free swiss army knife.
The first few tongues are clearly
preparatory. The impression
made by yours I carry to my grave. It is
just so sad so creepy so beautiful.
Bless it. We have so little time
to learn, so much... The river
courses dirty and deep. Cover the lettuce.
Call it a night. O soul. Flow on. Instead.

~C. D. Wright

There is a Pain So Utter - Emily Dickinson

Two weeks post surgery.  Staples removed later that day. Ouch!

There is a pain -- so utter -- by Emily Dickinson

There is a pain -- so utter --
It swallows substance up --
Then covers the Abyss with Trance --
So Memory can step
Around -- across -- upon it --
As one within a Swoon --
Goes safely -- where an open eye --
Would drop Him -- Bone by Bone.

~×~×~×~×~×~

I'm hobbling without the walker, but with a cane.  It feels like there's an iron fence post implanted in my leg.  Trying to bend it is excruciatingly painful and feels impossible.  No pain, no gain is what they say in physical therapy.  It's very hard to cause yourself pain on purpose...almost impossible, but necessary to progress.  I get highly nauseated every time I do my exercises or walk.  This experience hurts worse than childbirth...

Please pray for me & my family.  We desperately need healing... God Bless.  ~Marion

Surgery is Exhausting!

New knee!

Looks exactly like I fell into the swamp and a gator tried to eat me starting at my left knee.  25 staples.  Trust me, you do not want to see that bloody, swollen, red, bruised mess.   No freaking pain management to speak of.  Don't get me started.  I've had a dozen surgeries in my life and NEVER suffered the way I did after this surgery.  Had it done one day, home the next after hobbling 120 feet down the hall using a walker.  Fighting a fever now, but low grade.  (This is the abbreviated version, minus profanities...)

Hope all is well with y'all.  I do not recommend this surgery unless you 're next to crippled, which I was. 

Later, gators.  ~Hop Along Marion & Trigger, my walker.  xoxo

Oh, yeah, my knee feels like it's the size of my head.

Preparing for a New Knee

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Budda admiring his pink Zinnia.

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I love Zinnias, easily grown from seed.

Reading a favorite author, Flannery O'Connor.

For weeks, red wove itself into my life:  leaves, flowers, cardinals, Mars, the moon, a red apple in the middle of an empty parking lot, a red balloon, red cars, red... Renewed desire... 

Red leaf in July?  Unheard of!  Or a sign...

~×~×~×~×~

I'll be out of commission for a while because I'm getting a total left knee replacement next week, thank God.  The pain is unbearable, so it's time.  

The state of pain management in Louisiana is now a big joke, so I'm more than a little frightened of more needless suffering.  If you suffer from chronic pain, you're just fucked, to put it simply.  After I recover, a new left hip to match will be next and then I'll be dancing on tables again!  

I will accept all prayers/good thoughts sent my way.  Thank you all...

xo,

Marion

"You don’t know pain until you’re staring at yourself in the mirror with tears streaming down your face and you’re begging yourself to just hold on and be strong."

Anonymous

"Chronic pain shatters productive lives. Chronic pain almost always is accompanied by depression, anxiety, frustration, fatigue, isolation, and lowered self-esteem."     

Jed Diamond

Rid of Me by P. J. Harvey

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Hottest female rock star on earth...

Rid of Me
By Polly Jean Harvey

Tie yourself to me
No one else, no
You're not rid of me
You're not rid of me

Night and day I breathe
Hah hah ay hey

You're not rid of me
Yeah you're not rid of me
Yeah you're not rid of me
Yeah you're not rid of me

I beg you my darling
Don't leave me
I'm hurting
Lick my legs I'm on fire
Lick my legs of desire

I'll tie your legs
Keep you against my chest
Oh you're not rid of me
Yeah you're not rid of me
I'll make you lick my injuries
I'm gonna twist your head off, see

'Til you say don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her

I beg you my darling
Don't leave me
I'm hurting
I've been lonely
Above everything
Above every day
I'm hurting

Lick my legs I'm on fire
Lick my legs of desire
Lick my legs I'm on fire
Lick my legs of desire

Yeah you're not rid of me
Yeah you're not rid of me
I'll make you lick my injuries
I'm gonna twist your head off, see

Till you say don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Don't you don't you wish you never never met her
Lick my legs I'm on fire
Lick my legs of desire
Lick my legs I'm on fire
Lick my legs of desire

Songwriters: Polly Harvey

Sound of Silence By Disturbed

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4

Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

Fools, said I, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed in the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls
And whispered in the sounds of silence

Songwriters: Paul Simon