Saturday, August 1, 2009

Your Heart Was My Home Until You Handed Me an Eviction Notice

Your Heart Was My Home Until You Handed Me An Eviction Notice
by Amanda Bower, Stacy, MN


I removed the layers of blankets from my aching bones
to excavate the secrets that were held together by saliva
in papier-mâché envelopes, only to chew on disappointments
and lie on shards of fragile stained glass that tampered with my flaws,
instead of putting me back together with multicolored duct tape
so gray was only found inside of my body.

I wrung the tears from your sweatshirt and decided it was time
to give it back to you, in exchange for my serpent heart

[barely beating,

barely breathing];
instead of curling inside your stomach and making you
nearly as ill as I had become, just by drinking venomous nectar
and digesting fireflies so a small portion of me would feel alive,
I climbed over your picket fence and let you recline my eyes
in another awkward position to the point where I only chain-smoked
the main exhibits of your aesthetic proportions and declined
every deficiency of the person you truly are,

i. blunt


I found this poem in an old book yesterday, cut out from a newsprint publication. I don't know the date or where it really came from until I Googled it online and found the link listed above. The universe gave it to me.

I only know that it resonated deeply within my spirit's heart and poetsoul. Oh, the careless way we trust our beating, precious, only tender hearts to just anyone!!!



Rikkij said...

Marion- I've read this four times now. It floors me and I really want to get it all. Not sure I am. Might come back. The piece is really well spoken, I would like to have written even part of it. I'm really wondering why she wrote her heart as serpents. Throwing me. thought you were gonna be gone this weekend. Tryin to ditch me? ~rick

Marion said...

Rickster, I'm in the deep woods of Arkansas at my baby brother's house in a town not even on the map. Hell, I didn't even know the little shit had Internet and he's got 3 computers all with Internet! We had plans to do lots of sight-seeing in the mountains today and guess what, it rained and stormed all freaking DAY, so here I came to play with my friends. I'll never ditch you, buddy. Don't worry. LOL! I'll have lots of HILARIOUS pics and stories for next week. This weekend has been a tonic!!

Catvibe said...

Amazing poem. I can see why it would resonate with you.

Karen said...

(Taking away all the passion and pain, here's my comment:)

The Lease

This is to inform you
that I am terminating

the lease effective

Terms of our agreement
were not fulfilled,

as you have failed
to repair damages

in a timely manner.

All contents have been

and the unit is being
thoroughly cleaned and aired.

I do not wish to be present
for your final walkthrough.

Payment in full shall be considered
to have been previously rendered.

Karen said...

Have fun in the woods! We're here watching the rain - had about ten dry days this summer. Crap. the creek's rising again!

Marion said...

Cat, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Blessings!

Karen, what a fabulous reply your poem is. I love it. I think the girl who wrote the poem was a teen, which explains the angst. Oh, those rough years are so cruel to a girl with a sensitive soul! How I remember all too well. (I have a teen niece who is going through hell and I just wish I could perform a time warp and just let her be through these hard parts!) Glad you're getting some rain. The sun is out today for our drive home, thank goodness! Blessings!!

Renee said...

Marion Ilove how you have my back.

You and I, I know that we would be an easy ride staying in the land of the real.

Love Renee xoxo

Marion said...

Renee, you KNOW it, girlfriend, and don't forget it. I'm riding shotgun on your shoulder....I can tell you that I have seen real live miracleS in my life and I'm praying for many, many, many for you, precious lady!!!! Hugs, Love and Blessings!!!

Renee said...

You made me happy all the way through your comment.

I love you right back.


kj said...

i want time to come to your blog and linger as long as i want. meanwhile, you and i are protecting our hearts with little toothpicks!


kj said...

marion, i love karen's response to your wonderful sad poem. damn, betrayal sucks!

this has triggered something i wrote last december, when my hope was larger than my my head. for what it's worth, i hope you don't mind my sharing it with you here.

hang in my friend. don't forget we're now side-by-side neighbors with our beloved renee squeezed in. xo

Sunday, December 28, 2008
The Bungelow at Heart Boulevard

Knock knock.
This is the landlord. I’m serving notice you have to leave.

Leave? Why?
The rent is overdue.
What? Since when?
It’s months behind.
But I only occupy a small corner of this heart—there's plenty of room for others. I love the space, really. I thought the rent was taken care of.
It was, but now the withdrawals have exceeded the deposits. You can’t stay any longer.
But I have important memories here. And wishes and hopes.
Sorry, you have to go.
What if I take over the payments?
By yourself? What is your currency? The rent has always been paid in tendered denominations and mutual funds.
I can pay it that way too.
But if it’s just you the tendering will only be one way and the funds won’t be mutual. That is not standard practice.
Look, I have my own reserve to pay the rent. Can’t you accept that?
For how long?
I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just stay a few months more. But maybe I'll stay indefinitely. This space is an investment in something I care about.
But no more deposits? That’s risky business.
Who’s to say? There’s a good amount of earned equity here already. I don’t want to move as long as I feel the way I do.
Even if you don’t get a return on your investment? Even if you lose everything you’ve put in?
Yes, it’s a chance I will take. In this case I may view loss and gain the same way.
Even if your investment is no longer deliverable?
Yes, even then. But who’s to say one way or another? What does anybody know for certain?
Listen, I just collect the rent. I make sure the funds don’t get depleted. Staying put and making the payments yourself--it seems reckless, risky.
It may be. But I don’t mind. It’s not like I can’t leave. I just don’t want to, at least not yet. There are riches here. They matter to me.
You'll have to give notice if you leave.
Yes, of course, you’ll be the second to know. Right after myself.

Margaret Pangert said...

Hi, Marion! Welcome back! i'm glad you showed the origin of that poem from TeenInk because that let's me know she's living in a very emotionally susceptible time of her life. Oh, the angst! . . .I lie on shards of fragile stained glass that tampered with my flaws . . . I remember those feelings, that despair! This poem is delicate, fragile itself! LOVE xxox

Woman in a Window said...

Holy hell, I've never written a line like this. My pen can't hold venom like this. Both toxic and narcotic at the same time. Blunt, indeed. Holy hell. I'm busy thinking too.

And I wonder at this, Marion, all of this talk of houses. You know, the perfect house to gather in, the houses in which we dwell, and then this eviction notice. Are you crafting this all so well or is it falling together behind you as you walk. Wondering...

Hoping your weekend soothed your soul and spit on your feet, too.

Marion said...

KJ, thanks for posting your response to Karen's poem. It hit me hard, but I'm made of cloud-material, so that's really not a problem. All these smart & wise & beautiful women here in Blogland are inside my heart & head & my spirit-soul and My motto: no comment too long!

I love when we get a dialogue going in the comments and end up playing Texas Hold'em or 5 Card Draw, Do you play poker? It's like life, a little luck, a whole lotta bullshitting and a tiny bit of skill involved! The thing here is I'm holding some amazingly good cards, but the other player may have a better hand (he has no poker face) and if I throw down three cards and draw two new cards, I could rake in the big jackpot. BUT, this is the problem in a nutshell: JOKERS ARE WILD in this game!!! I hope you followed that because I got myownself lost somewhere after I said hey! LOL! But I know you are grinning and shaking your head. I'm so glad we're neighbors. My head will be clearer tomorrow. We're home and I had too much riding today and backseat driving. I'll be rested up tomorrow for more sane conversation...Hugs!! (Pssssst, I got your book while I was gone and I can't wait to crack it open!!!!) :-)

Margaret! I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem. Yes, I could literally FEEL the glass shards sticking in my heart when I read it---so much pain in growing up, hell, pain in being a female! I'm glad you stopped by. Blessings!

Erin, Erin, Erin, you always see things that I didn't even realize were there, then I look up and yep, there it is. Your poetry/seer gift working overtime!! Hmmmmm, this is most definitely one of those subterranean, subconscious-bubbling-up-from-the-gut type of things. Yep, it is. I'm reading some heavy stuff right now that's working on my head/heart and I think it came out in the past few posts, for sure. I do know there are some habits I need to evict, for sure, but no people at this point! LOL! The funny thing is I found that poem in a book I grabbed to take with me to my little brother's house and didn't even realize the paper poem was in the book. (There are no accidents, right?) Anyhow, I'd been using it as a bookmark, apparently, but hadn't read the book in years---yes, a book of poetry---can't leave home without one! I'll peek inside that little room I keep triple padlocked, dusty and neglected inside my heart and get back to you after I peek in, dust, and do some more thinking. Oh, nothing is every easy, is it dearest Erin?! I LOVE YOU, I DO!! Blessings..

Margaret Pangert said...

Hi Marion! I've moved! to 1710 Blogland Lane! Photos and description posted on my blog today! Thanks for the invite!

chandra said...

Loved every bit here!