Dear family in that ritzy, expensive neighborhood: Thank you for painting your wooden fence tri-colored in blue/yellow/pink. You march to the beat of your own drummer!
Dear Marie Claire Magazine: Thank you for the photos of all those horrendously ugly clothes in your November issue. My Goodwill wardrobe is much prettier!
Dear Hamilton Beach: Thanks for inventing the electric vibrator in 1902 BEFORE inventing the iron or vacuum cleaner! Priorities!!! Wow!